Positive Post #10

February 11, 2018

I missed posting yesterday so today’s post and the date are no longer in synch. Also, I’ll have to catch up tomorrow and post twice so I can stay within the 28 posts in 28 days goal that made.

Yesterday I spent the first part of the day in a very depressed state of mind. In five days it’ll be my son’s 25th Birthday. It’ll be the first one that I will not get to celebrate with him in person. No one will. My son, Michael, died last year. April 22, 2017, 3:06 pm to be exact. When I realized that his birthday was right around the corner it hit me, hard. I found myself grieving as if he had just died. I felt a little better when I let out the tears, sadness, anger, and pain. I hadn’t realized that I was holding in my grief, a lot if not most of, my grief. I felt raw, exposed, and drained. Somehow though I managed to get up from the floor and go out to grocery shop for my mom.

I then spent the next part of my day in an almost mindless state going through the grocery store aisles checking off items on my mom’s list. I don’t remember all of the drive time to mom’s apartment. Sort of operated on auto-pilot until I parked in the lot.

Then I exited my car and loaded the groceries into the little cart and wheeled them up to her apartment.

I went into her place, put the food away, and set out food for dinner. I sat down and ate dinner with my mom and I felt a little bit of the weight lift off of me. I smiled as we talked about her week and what she has plans to do next week. I smiled more as our conversation turned to remembering my son, her grandson, with laughter. There were also tears. It felt good though to share those memories with her. It felt good to share with someone who knew him and loved him.

After dinner was done and the table cleared we talked for a little while longer. Mom always dislikes it when I leave, she says “You fill my apartment with light and life when you are here and I miss you when you are gone.” I sighed and said that I understood that feeling all too well. We hugged and I left.

I felt better having shared memories with her. I now realize I need to share more memories of my son. It helps in a way I didn’t know that it could.

Just like writing this post helped a little bit too.

Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great night.

Advertisements

Positive Post #9

February 9, 2018

Image result for crayons

I love crayons!

Seriously, I really love to use crayons. The feel, the smell, the color, the texture, and how I can just let go and let the colors glide across the page taking me into a meditative place. I feel a small sensation of peace when I color.

That’s why I always buy a pack or five when back to school sales start popping up in July – August in my area.

I love to color!

It doesn’t matter if I stay in the lines, it’s my book or paper, it doesn’t matter if the colors blend or stand out. It doesn’t matter if I put them back in any order or in the original box. I usually do use the same box though.

The only thing that does matter to me when I take out the 8, 16, 48, 72, or more count box, is that I allow myself to just feel. I let go and allow life. That’s how it is for me to color. It was the same when I was a kid too, love to color.

 

What are your feelings about crayons, coloring, life?

 

P.S, Crayola crayons have always been my favorite.

 

 

 

Positive Post #8

February 8, 2018

It’s hard to write a positive post when you’re not feeling positive.

It’s taken me all day today and a conversation with a friend to realize that not feeling or being positive is okay too.

 

It feels weird though to not strive to be happy and up every day. It seems that there is this unwritten rule in society that states you have to always be happy. Well to me that is not normal and I’ve always fought against how I feel so that I can be happy even if happy was not how I was really feeling.

I’ve started to realize too, that it’s okay to not even want to be happy. It’s okay to feel unhappy, sad, depressed, and even angry. I’m learning to feel how I feel in the moment and then release it so that I don’t hold on to emotions that are not serving me well.

I feel like I’m kind of rambling right now so I’ll end the post here. I hope that someone can relate to this the same as I do. At least relate to the concept of not always being happy.

Have a good evening (or not) 🙂

 

 

Positive Post #7

February 7, 2018

When I set this challenge up for myself to write 28 positive posts this month I thought it was going to be easier. It’s a definite challenge for me. I’m in a content mood but not necessarily a positive one.

I am, however, determined to post a positive post today. 🙂

So I decided to snag a positive quote from a Google search.

Image result for positive journey quotes

It is my sincere hope that this helped you today.

Have a great Wednesday.

Positive Post #6

February 6, 2018

Hahaha…I just re-read yesterday’s post and realized that the title read Positive P!

Oh, my. It was supposed to read Positive Post #5. Good thing I’m not getting paid to write these posts. 🙂

It really made me laugh today though and I needed that laugh today. A lot of ups and downs just since the First week of February. I’m rolling and flowing with life though so I’m pushing through and staying committed to this 28 days of positive posts on my blog.

Today I’m watching my 18-month-old nephew while his parents are at work. He brings out the happy every time. I enjoy watching him as he plays, learns, and interacts with his world. It’s not all happy and laughter though because he can throw some wicked fits when he gets upset. As is true really of anyone.

I’m amazed when I watch him as he goes through his day. Amazed because of how real his emotions are and he expresses them when he feels them.  Then I wonder why we all do not practice the same thing. Expressing our emotions when we feel them. I think it would be freeing if we did. Of course, you have to know how to express them so that you’re not going overboard but I feel that if we all did this toddler feeling of emotions thing, then it wouldn’t go overboard. We would know how to express what we are truly feeling at the time we are feeling it. And it would happen in a natural and organic way.

So today I feel amazed at how much I can learn from my 18-month-old nephew.

That is all.

Have a great Day.