So for the past week I have been trying to observe this cardinal rule of driving. No not the one that states you have to drive on the right side of the road or stay awake while driving. I mean the one of having your hands in the position of 10 and 2 while driving. For years now I’ve been usually driving with just my left hand on the wheel. I know you are supposed to have both hands on the wheel but how many of us really do just that. So I tried, honestly tried to have both hands on the wheel at the position of 10 and 2 while I’ve been driving. No good. Couldn’t do it. Maybe it is just a mental block against it, or it could be that it is just a habit to drive left hand only. Not sure.
My point of this little experiment was to see how easy it would be to change a habit. How easy is it to change the way I have been doing something for years. Not easy. It’s scary to change a habit, that is my conclusion. Yeah you could argue that one week is not really a long enough time for an experiment like this one. Or that I didn’t have the proper scientific process in place. Doesn’t matter. My results would be the same -change is just scary. Not a big life changing scare like in Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol where Scrooge changes his life so that he has a life, no this is a little bump out of the comfort zone scary.
And so it is with my writing style. I have been trying to finish my novel. And really what feels like is that I am hitting my head on the floor in an all out tantrum with my muse. I have been (for an entire year) trying to write it in a different way, a way that I am not used to writing. Trying to write in order from beginning to end, outlining, going about the writing process in an orderly chronological fashion. No good. Can’t do it. I am used to writing in scenes. And I have been fighting myself on that process with trying to do it in a way that just feels wrong. Kind of like driving with both hands in the just so and proper positions.
I give up. I now am back to writing like me. I am back in my comfort zone and I am realizing (finally) that it is perfectly fine to write in the right way for me. That is not to say that I’ll toss out all the rules of grammar and write in a ridiculously, absurd, foolish way. Really I isn’t that goodly with grammar anyway. But I am now going to write in a way that is comfortable for me. I finally get it that comfortable does not equal complacency.